Video!

IMAGE ALT TEXT HERE

Words!

Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You’re off to HackCU!
You’re off and away!

You have ideas in your head.
You have computers in your packs.
You can start yourself up
And work on anything you choose.
You’re in a community, and you know what you know.
And YOU are the fellah who’ll decide what to do.

You’ll look up and down code. Look ‘em over with care.
About some you will say, “I don’t think that’ll compile”
You have ideas in your head. You have computers in your packs.
you’re too smart to leave your ideas untapped.

And you may not find any
you want to take on.
In that case, of course,
you’ll go right to some mentors.

It’s helpful there
With smart people who care.

Out there things can happen
and frequently do
to people as brainy
and geeky as you.

And then things start to happen,
don’t worry. You’ll pull through.
Just go right along.
You’ll start coding too.

OH!
THE PROJECTS YOU’LL HACK!!

You’ll be on 5 cans of Red Bull!
You’ll be seeing the glow of the screen!
You’ll join the indoor kids
who have viable career options in this terrifying post-grad climate!

You won’t buffer or lag, because you’ll process with speed.
You’ll pass the whole gang without deadlock and take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you’ll be the top of the stack.
Wherever you go, you’ll learn how to hack.

Except when you don’t.
Because, sometimes, you won’t.

I’m sorry to say so
but, sadly, it’s true
that sometimes you won’t complete cards
and NP-hard’s
can happen to you.

Your code can hangup
in a clutter of bugs.
And your gang will code on.
You’ll be left in Q/A.

You’ll feel like the main character of an HBO series surrounding your line of work
with Piped Piper in the dumps.
And the chances are, then,
that you’ll be (404 spoiler not found). **show up on screen

And when you’re unnecessarily censored because you spoiled the ending to your boss
you’re not in for much fun.
Un-bugging your code
is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the API is undocumented.
Some lines are commented. But it’s mostly spaghetti code.
A place you could leave your code completely bricked!
Do you dare use the API? Do you dare try it out?
How much time can you lose? How much progress can you make?

And IF you pursue it, should you use REST or SOAP…
or just HTTP? Or, maybe, 403?
Or go around and hit the back button or command z?
Simple it’s not, I’m afraid you will find,
for a code-writer-upper to make up their mind.

You can get so confused
that you’ll create a race condition
down long wiggled codes at a 10-GHz pace
and grind on lines cross weirdish interface,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Loading Place…

…where people just load.
Waiting for a request to go
or a response to come, or a process to go
or the e-mail to come, or to get in the flow
or the wi-fi to connect, or the algorithm to complete
Everyone is just buffering.

NO!That’s not for you!
You’re at fucking HackCU!

Somehow you’ll escape
all that loading and buffering
You’ll find good documentation
where amazing people build.

With Twitter, and Keysight,
And Workiva, and Zayo, Workday, and Webroot
100 percent behind you.
Ready for anything under the fluorescent lights of inside,
Ready because ya’ll are those kind of peeps!

Oh, the projects you’ll hack! There is fun to be done!
There are architectures to design. There are prizes to be won.
And the magical things you can do with that computer
will make you the winning-est winner of all.
Swaggy! You’ll be as swaggy as swaggy can be,
with the whole hackathon watching you win as happy as can be.

You’ll get hungry, of course,
as you already know.
With all your meals accounted for and snacks too.
You’ll be sure to get lumpy, if that suits you.

Remember to take a break!
Coding is a Great Balancing Act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your semi-colon from your colon.

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)

KID, YOU’LL MOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAINS!

So…
be your name Woz or Hopper or Gates
or Edsger W. Dijkstra,
Or some common ass name like Alex…or Alex, Dawson or Jessie
You’re off the Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your hackathon is waiting.
So…get on your way!

PDF version with pretty pictures!